Quotes and Wishes

100+ List 150+ Funny Christmas Status, Captions & Wishes

#Funny #Christmas #Status #Captions #Wishes

Funny Christmas Status : It’s Merry Christmas! Time for unlimited fun and enjoyment. We have nothing but some of the funniest Christmas status and captions to share with you and surely these are the hilarious status to update your Whatsapp or Facebook status for this happy occasion. Let’s rock the Merry Christmas celebration and share these Funny Christmas Status wishes with friends to make them laugh out louder! Absolutely these funny Christmas status has the cuteness to make anyone lol in the blink of an eye. Moreover, you can use these Funny Christmas quotes as Instagram Captions for Christmas photos. Scroll down and find out your favorite funny Christmas status or Christmas captions and update your Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram or other social media post.

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Funny Christmas Status

Wishing you and yours a holly jolly Christmas!

Gonna go lay under the Christmas tree to remind my family I’m a gift.

Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You’re getting clothes and a bible for Christmas.

Funny Christmas Captions

Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I’m going to need those back.

Can’t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.

A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy’s laptop.

Holiday wishes made with gingerbread hugs and peppermint kisses.

The only time of year in which one can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.

He sees you when you’re sleeping; he knows if you’re awake … he knows if you’ve been snooping in the closet for gifts, so hands off!

And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.

Dear Santa, I’m writing to let you know that I’ve been naughty this year … and it was SO worth it.

Do Santa’s cookies pair well with white wine? Asking for a friend.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

If a Telemarketer Calls Give the Phone to Your Kids and Tell them it’s Santa.

My office Christmas party is tonight, which means my office apology party will be tomorrow.

Christmas is a state of mind and that special feeling that only comes with an empty bank account.

The reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live.

I know what I’m getting for Christmas … Fat. I’m getting fat.

I tried to convince the kids to leave “Santa” a massage certificate this year, but they insisted on going with cookies.

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

The biggest benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don’t have to do laundry for another week or two.

Funny Christmas Captions

Hurry down the chimney tonight.

Dear Santa, is it too late now to say sorry?

OMG! I See Santa, Hurry up, Pretend to be Good.

I’m not Santa. But you can still sit on my lap.

It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.

I don’t need to diet this Christmas. I am inspired by Santa Claus.

Permanently on the naughty list and loving every minute of it.

Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.

Lord, give me strength. And another glass of eggnog.

Me every day: slay. Me in December: sleigh.

It was so easy to fit everyone in the group picture!” … said no one ever.

Let’s drink mulled wine and talk shit.

I don’t always take selfies, but when I do, I take Santa hat selfies.

If Santa can get respect by eating cookies for breakfast and dressing in a glorified velour sweatsuit all year, then there’s hope for us all.

Hello… Merry Christmas to all the jingle ladies.

I like them big and fake. Me talking about Christmas trees.

Don’t tell Santa we dropped these cookies on the floor right before the pic. Does the five-second rule apply to jolly old elves?

Dasher, dancer, prancer, vixen, rum, vodka, and whiskey.

Funny Christmas Status for Whatsapp

Merry Kissmyass with lots of hugs.

I’m only a morning person on December 25th.

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if it runs out I’ll drink the red.


I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!

Just so we’re clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.

The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.

May your holidays be like Santa – fat, cheerful and abundant!

Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Every time your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.

All I want for Christmas is you… and pizza too.

Santa told me you’d been very good this year, I told him it was just lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!

They say that Christmas is just around the corner, How can it be when the world is round?

Greetings from the North Pole! Don’t be shocked… it’s Christmas again!

Dear Santa: How much for your list with all the naughty girls on it?

Got my wife some lovely perfume for Xmas, it’s called Tester… Hope she likes it.

Dear kids, there is no Santa. Those presents are from your parent’s love, Wikileaks.

Handmade Christmas presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

Christmas is canceled. I told Santa I’ve been good this year. He died laughing.

I knew you were coming so I baked a cake. It was delicious. Happy Christmas!

Dear Santa: this year please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body, and this year doesn’t mix the two up.

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot’s him.

Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!

How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman would wear the same outfit year after year.

His name is Clause. Santa Clause. The Force is with him. And he’ll be back!

Funny Christmas Status for Instagram

Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.

Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.

The reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live.

You’ve already put up your Christmas tree? That’s nothing. I’m already drunk for St. Patrick’s Day.

Dear Santa, when you get here, could you please throw a quick load in the washer, vacuum the carpets and wash your cookie plate? Thanks.

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You’re getting clothes and a bible for Christmas.

May your holidays be like Santa – fat, cheerful and abundant.

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.

Love fills the air on the 25th of December; let’s make it a night to remember!

Christmas is canceled. I told Santa I’ve been good this year. He died laughing.

When someone asks ‘where is your Christmas spirit?’ is it wrong to point to the liquor cabinet?

Just so we’re clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Last year I asked for the sexiest person ever for Christmas. I woke up in a box.

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

No Matter How Old You Are, an Empty Christmas Wrapping Paper Tube is Still Fun to Bonk Someone on the Head with.

Christmas is not only for praying and praising But for drinking and messing around also. Merry Christmas!

Funny Christmas Status for Facebook

When what to my wondering eyes should appear… but 10 extra pounds on hips, thighs, and rear.

Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can’t be with them for the holidays. But don’t be jealous.

The worst thing about finding out Santa isn’t real is that you realize it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents.


I was Christmas shopping for a friend’s daughter… I asked what she was into and he said “anything Frozen” So, I got her a bag of peas and some pizza rolls.

Christmas is so much worse as you get older. It’s like “What do you want this year?” IDK. Financial security? A career? A sense of purpose? A nap would be nice.

Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too until the credit card bills arrive!

Dearest God, this Christmas I planned on going green. So please get the point and send me lots of cash this Christmas. Thank you!

My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he’s pissed that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

Nothing is sadder than a gift card that says “Cannot be used for the purchase of alcohol”.

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

Google should have a Christmas Season Street View that shows houses with Christmas lights.

Choosing someone based on their looks, is like picking a Christmas gift based on the wrapping paper.

What’s red and white and red, red and white, and red and white? Santa Claus rolling down a hill!

Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.

I don’t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.

Dear Santa I’ve been good all year! OK, most of the time. I Mean once in a while. Oh…F*ck it, I’ll buy my own sh#t.

If playing the same music constantly is a form of torture, do shops at Christmas torture their employees?

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with!

Christmas shopping is done… I got everyone a box with a note in it that reads. “Sorry, the world was supposed to end so I didn’t get you anything. Blame the Mayans!

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. Merry Christmas!

Funny Christmas Status for Friends

Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.

Christmas cheer? I thought you said Christmas beer.

Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!

I wasn’t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.

I would say all I want for Christmas is YOU, But I really would love a new credit card as well!

I mistakenly wrapped your Christmas present in a paper that says “Happy Birthday”. So I added the wording “to Jesus” on it. Merry Christmas!

Let us rejoice and enjoy Has lord has given this day to drink as much you want, Happy Christmas!

In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.

My Christmas present to all of my friends! I took a naked selfie and deleted it.

To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present…They are due back at the library today.

Your pain is my pains so please don’t do any of the stupid things we usually do; I want to enjoy this Christmas!

I wasn’t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.

Christmas has been canceled! And it’s your fault because I told Santa you had been good and he died laughing!

Christmas is truly full of wonders. It makes all of my savings disappear! That is the Christmas magic Merry Christmas!

A boy writes to Santa asking for a brother and receives a reply back from Santa “just send me your mother.”

I’d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week.

I mistakenly wrapped your Christmas present in a paper that says “Happy Birthday”. So I added the wording “to Jesus” on it. Merry Christmas!

My goal in 2019 is to accomplish the goals of 2018 which I should have done in 2017 because I made a promise in 2016 and planned in 2015.

May on this Christmas Glow of prosperity and joy of Happiness Fill in your body along with Christmas wine Merry Christmas to you!

I want you to have a safe holiday, so on Christmas morning, Do not stand between the kids and the presents! Merry Christmas!

Any of my friends who believe the “Mayan’s Prediction” please let me know as soon as possible. Your opinion will only be based on this year’s Christmas gifts. Thanks.

Funny Christmas Wishes Messages

Dear, you know Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard?

Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it’s voice-activated. I’m at the mall and every time Santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number.

Don’t you think that Santa Claus has the right idea? Visit people only once a year!


Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don’t think soooo.

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

The only present you can gift Jesus during his birthday is good behavior. You can try to be good today then go back to normal after Christmas.

May Santa give you skill and intelligence this Christmas so that you can buy gifts for me more efficiently.

I am sending love, care and great cheer, your way during this Christmas. I hope you remember this message in case we don’t end up a meeting during this Christmas.

How do cats greet each other at Christmas? A furry Merry Christmas and Happy Mew Year!

Do not expect Santa they all are Drunk and flat Merry Christmas without gifts!

Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Every time your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.

I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas, Not cause I like snow or anything, I’m just a racist.

Dear Santa, I’m writing to let you know that I’ve been naughty… and it was worth it. You fat, judgmental bastard.

I wish you a White Christmas! But if your White Wine runs out, drink the Red…

I’m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.

I don’t always cut down a fresh Christmas tree..but when I do, I pick the best one from my neighbor’s yard.

Halloween = Candy, Thanksgiving = Food, Christmas = Gifts, New Years = Drinks, Valentines = Sex, Birthdays = ALL OF THE ABOVE!

I accidentally drank two energy drinks this morning and now my house is decorated for Christmas.

Memo from Santa: Due to the rising cost of coal, this year people on the naughty list will be receiving Nickelback CDs.

A man basically goes through three phases in his life… He believes in Santa Claus…He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus…He is Santa Claus.

Santa won’t be coming this year…He died laughing when you said you’d been a good girl. Have a Merry Christmas.

Dear Santa, If you promise to be nice and give me everything on my list, I promise to give you the antidote to those poisonous cookies you just ate. Thank you!

Hope these Funny Christmas Status and captions will help you to make a smile and greet your desired person whom you share. Also, you can make update your social network status by these Funny Christmas Status, Captions, and Short Messages. Wishing you find this Christmas is your best entertainment.

#Funny #Christmas #Status #Captions #Wishes

150+ Funny Christmas Status, Captions & Wishes

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